


The Kepler Coffee House

by the_accidental_horcrux



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, no beta we die like men, there's coffee involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 05:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18176720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_accidental_horcrux/pseuds/the_accidental_horcrux
Summary: "Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, but three times?"or That Fic Where Everyone Becomes A Little More Like Family





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi! welcome to the 2019 taz amnesty mini-bang! this is the only work of fiction i have _ever_ completed, and i'm quite proud. enjoy!

* * *

 

 

There was only one coffee shop in Kepler, West Virginia that was worth anyone’s time. The other two were entirely unreliable for plenty of reasons, most prominently for their lack of regular business hours and a complete and utter shortage of coffee at those locations.

The aptly named “The Coffee House” was a homey place, two stories, and a sort of rite-of-passage for teens to work at in the small town. The shop was built in a repurposed two-story house, the kitchen and dining area serving as the front of the shop, the bedrooms repurposed as relaxing areas. Unlike a popular café, I.E.  _ Starbucks _ or  _ Dunkin’ Donuts _ , the Kepler original had a cozy feel to it, regulars who spoke to each other, and genuinely  _ good _ coffee. Everyone ended up there eventually, at least once. Most went back—there wasn’t  _ actually  _ another place for them to go, after all—but the shop never seemed to be  _ busy _ . It almost held a magical quality, really.

So it was practically fate that the three newest members of the Pine Guard ended up splayed out on the couches in the first room during the early hours of the morning right after opening, just a little bit dirty, slightly scorched, and overall tired.

 

Ranger Duck Newton had work in just over two hours, and was in desperate need of a good strong coffee. He had worked in “The Coffee House”, as all Kepler teen had at one point or another, and so he knew exactly what to say to get his coffee just as he liked it.

Aubrey “The Lady Flame” Little did  _ not _ have work, but she was always ready to drink a cuppa’, straight up. She wasn’t picky. Caffeine was caffeine, after all, and it did its job well in any form.

And Edmund Chicane, owner of the Cryptonomica, preferred to drink something that was only ever referred to as his “special juice”, from an unmarked opaque bottle, but he would be the first to buy a fresh muffin from the counter on any given day.

 

“Duck, a cappuccino is  _ not _ a ‘strong coffee’.” Aubrey said, watching him come back to the couches, two cups in one hand, a plate in the other. She eyed him critically as he set the plate down on Ned’s knee, handing her the shorter, steaming, cup. The cup in his larger hands was tall, had whipped cream on the top, and smelled suspiciously of cinnamon.

Duck’s cheeks flushed only slightly as he cleared his throat before speaking, “I wouldn’t say that. It’s a strong coffee with a little extra flavour.”

“The lady’s right, you know,” Ned chimed in, peeling the paper off the muffin with a practiced ease.

“Old man, you keep to your mystery drink,” Duck said, jaw clenched slightly. His coffee was  _ real coffee _ , damnit.

Ned shrugged his shoulders unperturbed, unscrewing the lid on his bottle with one hand and taking a swig before biting into the top of his muffin. The implied “Fine by me,” was practically audible.

Aubrey sipped her coffee with a smile. She was tired as all heck, but she was  _ safe _ here. For now, at least. “Well that was an adventure and a half,” she said, holding her cuppa’ in both hands, resting the bottom of the mug on her thigh as she let out a slight chuckle. “Anyone else think we oughta sleep for ten million years instead of caffeinate?”

“I have work in an hour and a bit now, and apparently I have a cave I need to clean up before Ranger Juno finds it how we left it, or some camper sees something they shouldn’t.” Duck sounded a little stressed, but evidently he wasn’t stressed enough to get up from the couch he was once again laying back on, “coffee” on the table to his left.

“Well now I’ve got a surefire way to draw more people to the Cryptonomica,” Ned said conversationally, thinking of the tape he had of his “Bigfoot” that he could put up once he talked to Kirby.

Aubrey had only known Ned less than a week, but even  _ she _ knew that that couldn’t be good. “What, uh, what d'you got planned there, Ned?” she asked, sitting up for another sip of her coffee, knee bouncing rapidly.

Duck didn’t even open his eyes, instead calling out “Is it illegal?” before pausing a second, sighing, and continuing, “Either way, best you don’t tell me.”

Ned had opened his mouth to respond, closing it again once Duck had finished speaking, before shrugging and moving on. “Miss Little, are you going to stick around any longer? If I were you, I’d get the hell outta dodge.”

“I mean, I can’t leave  _ now _ , can I?” Aubrey said, thinking about her Pine Guard patch in her bag, and about all the people she wouldn’t help if she ran away.

Duck stayed silent, thinking about Minerva and her mission for him that he ignored. “You can do whatever you want,” he countered, almost defending himself.

 

While none of them really shared anything earth shattering with each other, there was an unspoken bond that formed between them. There are some things people go through with others that leave them changed, and brings people closer. This was one of those cases.

 

The three of them, the “newbies” as it were, went back and forth, getting to know each other better for the rest of the morning, shifting their positions gradually over the course of the next two hours so they all ended up on one couch, a comforting energy surrounding them all. Their conversation came to an end only when Ned loudly exclaimed the hour (“Is it  _ really _ almost seven-thirty?”) prompting Duck to stand up abruptly, smashing his shin into the table just in front of him (not that he noticed) and rattling the mugs present, grabbing his ranger jacket off the couch, removing his hat off of Aubrey, and calling a farewell over his shoulder as he rushed out the door.

The trail of expletives (“Shit, shit, shit, fuck, oh fuck–”) indicating that he was going to be late for work, and knowing fully well that he had absolutely no reasonable explanation for why he was going to be so tired for the rest of the day.

 

Ned bid Aubrey a farewell soon after, heading back to the Cryptonomica. Unbeknownst to him, his assistant Kirby had already done some work on the clips of Bigfoot he had found on the camera, and he was about to receive his first customers in what had to be years.

 

Aubrey sat at the coffee shop for another hour, thinking about what she was going to do next, before she made her way to the Amnesty Lodge, smiling softly as she saw Dani and Doctor Harris Bonkers sitting in the lobby, smelling pancakes and more coffee wafting from the kitchen.

 

Duck muttered something about a “rough night” to Juno as he arrived to work, sticking his thumbs through his belt loops, fingers brushing against the now slack Beacon, wondering if he was going to take up wearing a sword as a belt, or only when there were abominations on the loose. And whether or not that was going to have an impact on his suspender-wearing habits. He’d figure it out later.

 

* * *

 

It happened again accidentally. They were all cold and tired, injured in some fashion. It was mid-afternoon, and the first thing on everyone’s mind was sleep. Duck was out of the hospital, Ned was driving him home in the Lincoln, and Aubrey was along for the ride. Yet somehow, they all found themselves inside The Coffee House for a second time, sprawled on the very same couches they had been months previous. It was a different day of the week, so there was a different employee behind the counter but the atmosphere was the same warm comfort it had been before.

Aubrey, with her own insistence, went to get the coffees and muffin, opting to get a steaming black coffee for herself, and ordering Duck’s complicated “coffee” from a piece of paper as well as getting Ned a muffin from behind the display, still hot and fresh from the oven.

 

They were all a little bit shaken by the events that had transpired at  _ H2Whoa: That was fun! _ Sure, their other encounter with an abomination was no exactly easy-breezy, but one of them had almost  _ died _ this time. They had only just left the hospital.

 

It freaked Duck out more than he’d like to admit, being trapped underwater, having that flashback. There was a  _ reason  _ he ignored his so called “fate” all those years ago. And this was hitting closer and closer to home, every time things got a little more dangerous. At least no one died. He had ended up in urgent care,  _ sure _ , but no one  _ died _ .

 

Aubrey was more often than not looking at her hands in wonder, trying to figure out just what she had done in order to be able to not only control fire, but  _ air _ as well. Everything was slipping into uncharted territory, not that getting fire powers wasn't uncharted territory as well. Really, she was just glad it was over for the next two months. She was going to capitalize on the break, sleeping as much as she could. She absolutely refused to think about the night of the fire on principle alone.

 

Ned was thinking about the FBI agent that had appeared in their small town. He was wondering just how much that man could dig up about him, just how much trouble he could get into. He bit into the top of his muffin, not bothering with his usual shenanigans, head not quite in the moment. Was he  _ actually _ in danger of getting arrested? Really, his own mortality had never felt so close before.

 

They were an unusually sad bunch for a couple of people that just saved Kepler. Aubrey noticed the weight in the air, and couldn't stand it one bit.

“Anyone wanna see a magic trick?” It was reflex for her, something she was good at. Maybe it would get them to smile or something. Her knee bounced, her hands checked her pockets as she didn’t really wait for an answer.

“Do you just carry around a deck of cards with you wherever you go?” Duck asks, watching her closely as she pulled a deck seemingly out of this air. It, however, caught his attention as he sat up from his lounging position on the couch, watching, waiting.

“A magician never reveals her secrets,” Ned butted in before Aubrey could get a word in edgewise. The far-away look in his eyes had gone now, and he was watching the two in front of him with renewed interest. His muffin was already eaten, his drink in hand as he leaned forward. He was always ready for a show.

Aubrey let out a laugh, and somehow, the room got lighter.

 

It wasn't until Kirby came into the shop later that evening, interrupting Ned’s tale about the time he met George Clooney (whether or not the story was true is entirely up for debate), did they realize that they had been in the Coffee House for a good four hours and had each been through at least three rounds of coffee and muffins. Ned hadn’t realized the time, shoving himself up off the couch with all the grace of a tired hippo wearing roller skates, that is to say  _ not very gracefully at all _ , and started walking towards the door. He had a show to host, after all and there wasn't any rest for the wicked.

This prompted Duck to get up off of  _ his _ couch, because he had to be driven home by Ned (the thought still scared him). He still hadn’t figured out a permanent solution to his belt-versus-suspenders problem, having realized that if he took out Beacon during a battle  _ without _ the suspenders, he’d lose his pants. So, he was still currently wearing both, and hoping he didn't look too ridiculous. Not that he really cared, but it was the principle of the matter.

Aubrey, sighing, remained on the couch once again, wishing she had cellular data and the ability to idly scroll through Twitter now that she was going to be alone.

 

“Drive safely, boys!” Aubrey called, bringing her mug up to her lips. She still had coffee left, and she’d be damned if she didn’t drink every last drop.

 

“You get home safe, too, Aubrey,” Duck called back, holding the weighted door open for Ned (it was a reflex, his momma raised him  _ right _ , damn it). He was going to go home and nap for ten years. Well, he’d speak to Minerva first, but the sentiment was there.

 

Ned was caught between grumping to Duck—he wasn't an old man, he could hold a door himself—and laughing at Duck—anyone willing to do free labour for him was a fool—so instead he turned to Aubrey and shouted, “Next week, do you want to make a guest appearance on S-N-D and do some magic?”

It didn’t quite ease the guilt that was resurfacing in his chest, but it didn’t make it worse, either.

 

“I don’t work for free, old man,” was the response he got, followed by a laugh that continued even as the door closed.

 

Aubrey was at the Coffee House, Duck was waiting on the couch at home, and Ned was on set getting ready, but there was a sense of lightness in their chests that wouldn't have been there if they had gone straight home.

 

* * *

 

Somehow, it becomes a tradition. An unspoken agreement where the trio  _ just knew _ they had standing plans for coffee.

(Once was an accident, twice was a coincidence, but three times?)

This last week had been harder than the last, that much was absolutely certain.

Someone had  _ died _ , and wasn't that new? And one of their own had ended up in the hospital in what wasn't even the final battle. Sure, this whole experience had been dangerous before, but no one had  _ died _ during their time in the Pine Guard, no one had even ended up seriously injured. It left them uneasy. Things were getting real.

 

It hadn't been a total loss, though. They had a new companion, and a new ally. Well, their ally had fled, big wings taking him away, glasses left cracked on the ground, but the sentiment was there.

Their companion was with them now, though, watch firmly in place as they entered the Coffee House, everyone walking—Ned’s car was a total wreck, no one else had a car, and the Ranger’s truck was being used by Juno—towards their destination from the lodge.

The cold breeze making them walk quicker than they probably would have liked, Ned complaining the whole way.

 

It was Ned’s unofficial turn to buy the coffee, bringing back a mug for Audrey full of something so caffeinated that could only be called “Rocket Fuel”, and a complicated drink that wasn't quite what Duck asked for. He also brought back a muffin (or four) for himself and a slice of pizza for their new good friend Billy.

 

Aubrey was thinking about the Hornet she had spoken to, wondering just what kind of repercussions that was going to have, gratefully taking the mug into her hands and sitting on her usual chair, sighing into the cushions as she took a sip. 

 

Duck drank his drink with trepidation, expecting anything but what he asked for. It wasn't bad, surprisingly. It definitely wasn't his usual, that much was for certain. What it was, though, remains a mystery. Nonetheless, he was happy to drink the caffeine knowing that later all he would be hearing is complaining from Beacon.

 

Billy ate his slice of pizza in under a minute, chanting as he waited for another slice. If the barista thought it was weird that they had a Ryan Gosling lookalike in the House, they didn't say anything. Ned, having not even sat down yet, sighed and went back up to the counter and bought the rest of the pizza on the shelf, wondering where anthropomorphic goat was going to put it all.  _ Maybe _ , he could get him on Saturday Night Dead as a guest?

 

Sitting down, Ned enjoyed his muffins—paper on, just to mess with the rest of them (he couldn't have them figuring him out, could he?)—and drank his drink, hoping to all Hell that he could go home and sleep, and that Agent Stern would have left him alone.

He was not sure he felt guilty about what he overheard in the hospital. Scratch that, of course he felt guilty. Was he going to do anything about it, though? That was the question of the hour. On one hand, he should give back that necklace, probably. On the other hand, should he really give back the necklace and get himself in trouble when he could just let things lie?

 

They only spent an hour at the Coffee House that time, but they spent it laughing about whatever and watching in awe as Billy managed to eat two and a half pizzas before the hour was up.

Things were heating up, whatever was going on with Silvain and the abominations was coming to a head and they all knew it.

But for now, they had the time to relax.

 

They all had things to do, people to see, in the end. This time, it was Aubrey who prompted everyone’s leave. She had a meeting with Mamma to attend. Not that she really wanted to see Thacker again, or even really be near him. Throwing back the last of her “Rocket Fuel”, she stood from her seat.

“Time for me to go, boys. Catch you on the flip side?” she asked as she walked towards the counter with her mug and Billy’s plate. 

“You know it, little lady,” Ned said in his Ned way, standing up as well. “I should probably go talk to Kirby about some things anyway.”

 

Duck remained seated, thinking about Minerva. Was she  _ really _ gone? That remained to be seen. He took another sip of his mystery drink, replaying his last moment with her over and over again, mind caught on one little moment. Who was she talking to in that last second?

“Have fun,” he said, mind a million miles away.

He figured he would go home and wait for his meeting with Minerva as usual, and maybe she would turn up. At least he might get some answers that way.

 

On the way out the door, Aubrey managed to flick off Duck’s ranger hat, shaking him out of whatever stupor he had worked himself into.

“Hey!” he called out with a soft laugh, picking up his hat and putting it on the side table. “Now you get home safe,” he said, taking a final sip of his drink before he, too, stood up from his resting place and headed towards the counter, mug in hand.

 

The three parted ways, all of them with separate destinations and plans, none of them feeling quite as downtrodden as they had in the hour previous. It didn’t last long, not really, but the reprieve was welcome, regardless.

 

When Aubrey reached the Amnesty Lodge, she was jittery. Nervous, almost. She had to talk to someone about her powers again. Get some training, or  _ something _ . She had to talk to Mamma, regardless of what she was going to do. First, though, she had a rabbit with a PhD to see, as well as a beautiful blonde lady to smile at.

 

When Ned reached the Cryptonomica, he was calm. Paranoid, sure, but relatively calm. The second he crossed the threshold, though, he knew something was wrong. The air was off, he knew it in his bones,  _ whatever _ . Something was terribly wrong. Seeing the note with the handwriting he hadn't even thought about for years (a lie, he thought about it every day) was like a slap to the face. The necklace was gone. At least that solved his problem from earlier. Like Hell he was going to tell Aubrey about the robbery when he had nothing to show for it. All of this was an issue for another time, though because there was a couch quite literally with his name on it that was calling for a nap.

 

When Duck got to his apartment, he felt numb. Afraid, really, but like there was a buffer between him and his emotions. Maybe this was shock. It didn't matter, though, because he barely had time to process what he was feeling before his neighbour and owner of the Bodega, Leo Tarkisian, was there telling him they needed to talk. He really didn't sign up for this. When he was eighteen  _ or _ now. He just wanted to sit on his normal couch and watch normal television and have a normal nap without weird dreams. It didn't seem to be in his cards, and wasn't that a cosmic joke. He spent his entire life running from destiny and it did absolutely nothing. He would be bitter later, he resolved, but for now, he had a conversation to have.

 

* * *

 

There were going to be more coffee shop visits, that much was clear. And even if the Coffee House closed, they’d find a new location. Because this might have been an accidental tradition, but the camaraderie that had formed in their little unit was not going anywhere. They all had their own issues, but they all had shared problems, things they could continue to bond over.

 

At the end of the day, after harrowing cases and bad experiences, they had a semblance of a family here, and it only served to fix their moods and offer comfort. The bonds formed and tested under duress, after all, held strongest.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> art by the most amazing [MOJITO!](http://belligerentbagel.tumblr.com) which i am blessed to have on my team for the 2019 mini-bang.

The Coffee House!

Duck Newton!

Aubrey Little and Ned Chicane!

 


End file.
